Being + Becoming.

BY SARAH ANNE HAYES

Sarah Anne Hayes is a believer, writer, and unabashed bibliophile. She spends her days running her small business, planning out her next adventure, belting out show tunes, and hanging out with her incredible fiancé. Sarah believes life is a gift meant to be celebrated, Tuesday morning should be as memorable as Saturday night, and nothing boosts your confidence like the perfect red lipstick.

For most of my life, I’ve been what you might call an overachiever.

If there was something to be done, I did it. And if there was more to be done, I did that too. My schedule was always full, my task list never fully complete, and I was constantly asked, with amazement, how I did it all.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it, and that was the problem. 

Without me noticing, productivity became my identity. My ability to do and manage all the things with seemingly little to no stress was so integral to who I was that I came to believe I wasn’t worth anything to anyone unless I could do something for them.

If you’ve been there, you know that’s a dangerous path to walk down and a hard one to leave.

You might assume, based on my historical propensity for productivity and accomplishment, that the new year is filled with goal setting, plans of action, and potential projects to shape the next 12 months of life. And any year before this one, you would’ve been right.

My bestie often reminds me of something quite important. “Sarah,” she says, “you are a human being, not a human doing.”

After years of doing, it’s the being that I’m finally learning to focus on.

I’m no longer asking myself what I want to do during each week, month, or year. Instead, I’m asking myself who I want to become.

We live in a world that lauds great accomplishments and measures success by your resume or portfolio. It’s easy to do because it’s tangible. Completed projects produce tangible products. Successful campaigns produce visible results. We can see growth and progress in a way that causes motivation or garners acclaim.

So when we see the genius millionaire, 30 under 30 list, or child prodigy, the default response is often to look at ourselves and wonder, “What on earth have I done with my life?”

Let me ask you a different question: at the end of your life, what will you care about more — what you did or who you are?

Do you hope the people you love talk about all the things you did and the time you spent? Or how kind, compassionate, loving, fun, or encouraging you were?

If, like me, your answer is you want to be remembered for who you are, not what you did, then the question we should be asking ourselves isn’t “What have I done with my life?” but rather, “Who am I becoming?”

But how do you do that? With something as intangible as who you are, how do you focus on growth and see progress and change?

Here are a few things I’m doing myself:

DEFINE THE END GOAL

I know I’ve been saying the point isn’t what you do, but who you are, so why am I talking about goals? Well, in this case, who you become is the goal. And just like with any other goal, the only way you can possibly reach it is if you define what it looks like.

So, friend, who do you want to be?

Do you want to be healthier? Stronger? A better writer? A better spouse? A better friend? Kinder? More patient? More hospitable? More spontaneous? More generous?

Dig deep and really ask yourself what kind of person you want to be — one year, five years, or twenty years from now. Knowing who that person is will help shape the decisions you make and thus who you become.

BREAK IT DOWN

If the broad question of who you want to be is too overwhelming, then break it down.

Think about the major areas of your life — relationships, work, home, health, etc. — and ask yourself: what do you want to be true of yourself in those areas?

Just like with more traditional accomplishment-based goals, creating intentions for your life gives you direction. It gives you something to aim towards and a way to measure your own progress.

One of my intentions is related to my writing. I want it to be true of me that I steward the gift of writing with courage and grace. Knowing what I’m aiming for allows me to see if that statement is becoming more or less true of me with each passing day.

REFLECT WITH INTENTION

It’s natural to want to see growth and progress, to want to know that as each month or year passes, we’re better than we were before.

While the progress might not be as tangible as with a SMART goal, regular reflection on your life can show you your growth in tremendous ways.

When you come to the end of a season, you can ask yourself… am I more or less of the person I want to become? Am I kinder? Am I stronger? Am I more patient? Am I more spontaneous? Am I more generous? Am I…? You fill in the blank.

It might not be as flashy as a worldly accolade, but it’s something that is ultimately far more lovely.

Sometimes it will feel hard, and sometimes it will feel like you’re making no progress at all. But sometimes, it will hit you out of nowhere, and you’ll take a step back and see, with immense clarity, just how far you’ve come and who you’ve become along the way.