An ode to what high-schoolers taught me.

BY MELISSA GILLESPIE

Melissa Gillespie is a high school counselor with a background in bereavement, Harry Potter marathons, and tutu dance parties, with an affinity for all things pizza and Disneyland. She lives in Los Angeles, CA with her husband and can be found online at gillespiemelissa.com or on Twitter @themelgillespie.

I get up every morning to drive to school, where I wake up over fresh tea from a kettle and microwaved oatmeal from a packet. The deep breath that comes after plugging in my market lights and dimming the fluorescent ones signals a start to the day. 

In the past four years as a school counselor, I have been blessed with the opportunity to meet thousands of teenagers from all backgrounds, carrying every feeling from every possible experience. 

While it is my job to impart wisdom and direction, whether in life or just how to organize a binder, I never realized I would be the one to do the learning. 

● From the one who spoke self-love mantras over and over into my mirror, I learned the value of being reminded of your own strengths. Often we are the first to judge and diminish ourselves, but we should also be the first to celebrate our goodness. 

● From the one whose sobs shook my body, I learned to never underestimate the power of hearing someone say they love you, especially when you may not hear it often enough. If you love someone, tell them; life is too short to hold it to yourself. 

● From the one who thought mistreatment was normal, I learned it is important to stand up for those that can’t speak for themselves. 

● From the one who sat silently in my office, I learned that you don’t always need words to create deep trust and bonds. A person can be safe space. 

● From the one graduating at the end of a summer instead of with their classmates, I learned the importance of never giving up on someone’s potential. Sometimes plans have to be altered and don’t come in the time you expect them to. Personal circumstances don’t have to determine your future. 

● From the one with a higher emotional intelligence than GPA, I learned that insight can come in all shapes and sizes and ages. Our youth carry a perspective that only their generation can carry, and their beliefs and values hold weight. Adults often view kids as superficial, being of the social media generation, but kids feel without filters as long as you’re willing to listen. 

● From the one who stood up to hate and violence in front of their peers, I learned the power of standing up for what you believe in. There is still so much work to do, and adults need to step up and advocate for and alongside our kids. 

● From the one who got kicked out of class, I learned that behavior is a form of communication. What people say with their actions is just as important to listen to and evaluate as their words. 

● From the one who came back to visit, I learned that every interaction can be the one that makes a difference. The smile in the hallway, the note of congratulations, the jumping up and down on the sidelines in the cold--each moment can hold weight and show care. 

● From the one who chose to confide in someone else, I learned that you can’t be everything to everyone. Sometimes what is most helpful is stepping back to allow a person to figure out what it is they need. 

● From them all, I learned that you cannot care for others without first taking care of yourself. I can only give them my best when my arms are wide-open to thoughts, ideas, and feelings and not when misconceptions and personal problems creates a barrier. 

More than anything, I learn every day the value of being authentic and present. Pay attention to what is in your control and what is not. 

For example, I cannot control which student walks into my office or which topic they’ll want to discuss, but I can control my tone, my attention, and my smile. I can create a safe space or one that doesn’t condone difficult circumstances. 

I have the power to make someone’s day or break it, and even if I’m tired or stressed or overwhelmed, I have learned the importance of starting each interaction with a smile and genuine hello.