Living Life Offline
BY SARAH ANNE HAYES
Sarah Anne Hayes is a believer, writer, and unabashed bibliophile. She spends her days running her small business, planning out her next adventure, belting out show tunes, and hanging out with her incredible fiancé. Sarah believes life is a gift meant to be celebrated, Tuesday morning should be as memorable as Saturday night, and nothing boosts your confidence like the perfect red lipstick.
The first photo I have of my now-husband was taken on a late December Sunday. It shows him, with a rather cheesy grin, standing next to his brother, both holding cell phones that look much more like the first phone many of us had in the early 2000s rather than the mini-computers that reside in our pockets today.
It’s a bit of a running joke amongst our friend group, and I am constantly reminding people that he cannot receive group text messages because my dear husband adamantly refuses to get a smartphone.
His somewhat extreme views have softened in the time that we’ve been together, and I’ve grown to understand and respect his decision to forgo a smartphone in a way I didn’t when he was just another guy I knew at church.
But it’s not just a smartphone. Until a few months ago, the only social media he’d ever used was Facebook, and even that is now deactivated. His job does not involve computers, but working with his hands, so he can go days without checking his email.
He is, in many respects, blissfully unaware of the hubbub that takes place on the Internet at large, and all the happier for it.
It goes without saying that we live in a fast-paced world filled with information overload and an endless stream of content to consume, no matter what your preference. There are advantages to this, certainly, but disadvantages in equal measure. You don’t have to go far these days to find an article, podcast, YouTube video, or documentary discussing the dangers of various pockets of the Internet, social media in particular.
While it’s unlikely I will ever forgo my smartphone (finally having GPS in my pocket was a dream come true), the truth is, I’ve learned a lot from my husband and the way he lives his life largely offline.
Technology Isn’t Absolute
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m rather prone to extremes. I love hyperbolic language and a bit of drama. I have a tendency to make things all or nothing because it’s usually easier to deal with when it’s black and white.
As much as we’d love for it to be different, technology (and the use thereof) is not black and white. It’s extremely gray. It isn’t an absolute, all good or all bad. It’s a crazy mix of a lot of good and a lot of bad all rolled in together, and it’s up to us to sort those things out from each other.
Social media, the internet, and technology at large can and have been used for some immensely wonderful things. It can bring people together, encourage those who feel alone, and quite literally save lives.
But it can also keep people apart and isolated, discourage those who feel alone, and drive them to question whether or not their life has any meaning.
It’s a double-edged sword that must be wielded with great care, but when done so, it can lead to absolutely spectacular things.
Intention Is Key
Seeing as he doesn’t have a smartphone, my husband’s phone allows him to do two things — send/receive text messages (but not group ones) and make phone calls. That’s it.
In his book Digital Minimalism, author Cal Newport shares the definition of digital minimalism as “a philosophy of technology use in which you focus your online time on a small number of carefully selected and optimized activities that strongly support things you value, and happily out on the rest.”
When my husband and I read the book last summer and conducted our own “digital declutter,” as Newport suggests, we had many discussions about what the optimal use of varying technologies was. It’s something I’m still thinking about over nine months later.
The more I consider it, the more I believe the increasing tension I’ve felt, and noticed in many others, comes from years of using technology for something other than its intended purpose or trying to accomplish something in a less-than-optimal way.
If your goal is to connect with people, truly connect with people, then is it better to invite them over for dinner or comment on their latest Instagram post? I think the answer’s obvious, but it’s easy to trick ourselves into thinking that we’re really connecting with someone because we follow them on social media.
When we use anything for something other than its intended purpose, it’s not by default a bad thing, but if our personal use doesn’t have some intention behind it, you can quickly find that you are no longer using the thing, but the thing is using you.
Missing Out on the Internet Doesn’t Mean Missing Out
Perhaps the largest driver of our ever-growing addiction to technology is that terrifying fear that if we take a step back, if we limit our time, if we choose to disconnect from the great wide world of the Internet, we will somehow miss out on something incredibly important.
But here’s the truth I already know you know, but may need reminding: missing out on the Internet does not mean you’re missing out.
In fact, it’s often the opposite. Not missing out on the Internet often leads to missing out on the actual life you’re living.
Throughout our marriage, my husband and I have had many conversations about what he views as excessive use of my phone. While my use and his criticism have both decreased, there are still moments when he gently calls me out for looking at my phone instead of looking at him.
There are many wonderful things on the Internet, but none more wonderful than the man standing right in front of me. Or the family or friends or neighbors. Or the sunsets, sunrises, blooming trees, glistening snow, and majestic thunderstorms.
The best of life is lived, not seen through any kind of screen. And missing out on the other stuff is far better than missing out on the only life you get.