Finding Your Marigold

BY MELISSA GILLESPIE

Melissa Gillespie is an elementary counselor with a background in bereavement, Harry Potter marathons, and tutu dance parties, with an affinity for all things pizza and Disneyland. She lives in Los Angeles, CA with her husband and baby girl and can be found on Instagram @mama.gillespie or on Twitter @themelgillespie.

I do not have a green thumb in any capacity. I forget to water my plants for weeks at a time, and drench them right as they are reaching their demise. Any vegetable or herb dies a swift death in my window box. In fact, the only plant that survives for longer than a month is the fake one my sister-in-law gave me when we moved to our new apartment. Luckily, marigolds don’t require a green thumb, and I am a marigold expert.

A few weeks ago, I sat across the table from my best friend. If you had been observing from the outside, you would have seen two women holding hands and staring into each other’s eyes over a half-eaten charcuterie board. Ignoring the world around them, even the lovely humans at their table, their eyes sparkled with tears and all the words spilling from their mouths were good ones.

“I love you.”

“No, I love you.”

“I’m so lucky.”

“No, I’m so lucky!”

Had we just been wine tasting for two hours? Yes. Would we still have been speaking beautiful things to each other without the wine? Also, yes. With nearly a decade of friendship under our belts, we have seen moments that could have torn apart weaker friendships and moments that almost broke us. Deaths, break-ups, diagnoses, weddings, health concerns… you name it, we’ve seen it all, together. 

We've laughed and cried hysterically. We’ve had conversations that were full of hard truths and still showed up the next day to continue loving and growing alongside each other. As women in our thirties, we recognize that not everyone sticks around, nor would we want them to. We have learned the difference between the marigolds and the weeds.

Marigolds are companion plants. If you plant these beautiful yellow and orange flowers in your

vegetable garden, they actually aid in the growth of your vegetables. They deter the bugs that

would eat the veggies and attract the bugs that keep them safe.

She is a marigold human in my garden. A true light and friend, my marigold has helped me grow, accepting me as I become better and stronger every day.

Not everyone you become friends with can be a marigold. Some will be like that lettuce plant that is only good for a season. Some will be the succulent who can stick around for a long time without much maintenance. And others might be a weed, which will become a negative force in your life if you allow it to stick around.

Here’s the hard part, sometimes we don’t realize who is a marigold and who is a weed. Or worse, sometimes we know who is a weed and we feel guilty for picking it out, either because it has been growing aside us for so long or we are hoping we can turn it into a marigold.

But you can’t feel guilty about plucking the weeds from your life, regardless of how thoroughly it’s been watered. Why? Because it gives more space for you to grow and more time and energy to find yourself a marigold. 

For this wonderful and precious life, wouldn’t you rather find someone supportive, who will help you grow even in hard moments, and will hold your hands expressing love in a wine shop?

I hope you do. I hope you take a moment to look at your friendship garden and see where you pour the most love. I hope that you can pull your weeds and water your companion plants.