Forgetting Myself in Order to Find Myself

CHRISTY HUGHES

Christy Hughes resides in Fort Worth, Texas with her husband and two dogs. After several years of writing a weekly blog for The Brave Kind, she recently released her first book, Strong Roots, Wayward Soul, a memoir about her sobriety and personal growth. Christy's passions include weekend hobby farming, yoga and volunteering. 

Just over three years ago, I was hearing a recurring directive in my alcohol recovery meetings: pray to be of maximum service to others. At the time, prayer was a distant childhood memory, sing-song Sunday school verses and the Lord’s Prayer long forgotten despite years of recitation. As I began to forge spiritual practices that felt authentic to me, I became more comfortable with offering those suggested words to God. That room was also where I would hear the St. Francis prayer for the first time, a prayer whose words of wisdom remind me to this day that it is only by self-forgetting that one finds.

As I opened my heart up to the possibility of volunteering, God put too many signs in my path to ignore. First, it was a flyer at Starbucks, then a billboard on the drive to dinner a week later, and finally, a magnet on the car parked next to me in the grocery store parking lot—the only other driver to choose the most remote space on an otherwise quiet Sunday morning. We obviously both valued our step count and, in addition, a desire to help feed homebound citizens in our community. 

Self-pity falls away the moment I climb into my car to begin my weekly Meals on Wheels delivery route. I know that I will soon be seeing the smiling faces of my seven clients, although I prefer to call them “friends.” Most of the addresses have been on my route since I began three years ago. We are on a first-name basis and, on the rare occasion I miss a shift due to travel, I bring home a stack of blank postcards from my destination. I handwrite notes on the back, letting them know how much I’ve missed them, and that Fridays are not the same without them. Together, we have visited Florida, Nashville, and even Ottawa, Canada, to name a few. 

I maintain that the spiritual reward of volunteering is available to anyone, regardless of how it came to be. Even the healthiest, most well-adjusted of us can get caught up in our daily woes or the gravity of world events. Delivering a smile to someone else’s face helps it all melt away. It turns “have to” into “get to” and misery into gratitude.  

Here are some tips to find a lasting love for volunteering:

·        Follow your heart. While I applaud marketing campaigns that tug at our heartstrings (think woeful music and sad puppy dog eyes), I caution against choosing a program out of guilt. Think about areas that light you up. If saving the planet is your mission, seek out an environmental cause. If puppies do steal your heart, then consider helping a local shelter. Pet rescue was the first organized service work I did in my mid-twenties, and it led to a career in the pet industry a decade later! 

·        Consider your talents. When I deliver meals, I often see Habitat for Humanity volunteers hard at work in the same neighborhood. Skilled with a hammer? That organization is a great place to start. Tech-savvy? Mentoring a student or helping underprivileged women with career skills could be a good fit. Committing to a role that pushes you too far out of your comfort zone will likely make you want to throw in the towel quickly. 

·        Start small. There are plenty of one-time opportunities or periodic campaigns to try a particular organization on for size. Many big charities need help with annual fundraising events. My city has a yearly fall “Trash Bash”, which is a great way for me to contribute to an environmental campaign, even though my weekly time is devoted to Meals on Wheels. More Love Letters offers a great way to share kindness with just a monthly commitment. 

·        Compassion fatigue is real. With the scientifically touted “helper’s high,” it is easy to get caught up in the euphoric feelings brought on by volunteering. It is also easy to burn out. Think quality over quantity. I enthusiastically substituted for routes on other weekdays when I first began driving for Meals on Wheels. While I enjoyed meeting other clients, I found that I didn’t look forward to Fridays. Some weeks, I had already driven twice by that time. I had to reason with myself--the best way to help the program was to sing its praises and encourage other people to sign up. Not a Friday goes by that I don’t share my enthusiasm on social media. 

There is an endless list of organizations in need of volunteers and a finite list of people with a willing heart, time and knowledge topping the list of objections. As God quickly chipped away at my own hesitancy, I found the opportunity I was destined for and wondered why I waited so long to commit. Once able to carve out plenty of time for happy hour, I now look forward to Fridays and the happiest hour of my week.