How to Show Kindness in the Most Meaningful Way to Others
KAYLI WESTERGARD
Kayli is a writer and blogger, inspiring people who create to live their dreams, take big risks, and think outside of the box. You can find her writing everything from novels and love letters to blog posts about marketing and social media.
You know how it feels when someone does or says something that deeply uplifts you? You feel so loved. You feel like you matter. And we all deserve to feel all of those things, especially if we’re experiencing a lower point in life.
Often, we find ourselves with the opportunity to give that feeling to someone else: a friend or family member shares with you a tough experience they’re having. You likely can’t wave a magic wand and remove their problems, but you find yourself asking: what can I do for this person in my life to help them feel encouraged, uplifted, and loved?
You are an amazing human for wanting to level-up the way you spread kindness, and I guarantee that anything you do to genuinely show kindness to someone will be greatly appreciated. Still, some expressions of kindness touch us more deeply and can express your care and appreciation in a more meaningful way.
We know from the concept of love languages--five ways we all give and receive love as identified by Dr. Gary Chapman--that certain actions and words mean more to some of us than others. In the same way, with any non-romantic relationships, friendships, or family in your life, we can take the time to show kindness in a way that resonates more deeply. As you take time to contemplate what this might mean for the person in your life, here are three questions to ask yourself to lead you towards discovering the kindness-spreading magic.
1. How does it feel to be in their shoes?
It’s a simple act, but take a couple moments to put yourself in their shoes. This requires stepping outside of yourself. Think about their experience, how that experience might be impacting their daily life, and what some of the consequences of these experiences and emotions might be. Use those consequences as directional questions for you to solve.
If you’ve had a similar experience, recall the emotions that you felt when you were going through that same experience. What was something that meant a lot to you when you were struggling or at a low point? What is something that you wish someone else would have done for you?
If you haven’t had a similar experience, knowing how to express your support can be a bit trickier. Let the next two questions continue to guide you.
2. What is their language of kindness?
The acts or expressions of kindness that mean the most to you might not necessarily mean the most to them, so it’s important to recognize how that person might want to receive kindness. Sometimes, you can simply ask someone how you can help or encourage them. Other times, that loved person in your life may not even know the answer.
If someone is grieving, simply being present with them might be the best thing you can do. If someone is experiencing relational tension or emotional stress, being a reflective listener or just lending your ear might be exactly what they need. Practical gifts or giving your time might feel like relief to someone who is stressed out and overwhelmed. At a point when I felt burned out and stressed about a demanding job, one of the most encouraging things was someone coming over and helping me get normal, daily tasks done. Going out to dinner or getting away felt like another task to complete, postponing the to-do list that was stressing me out, so having company and support with some basic life tasks felt abundantly encouraging!
3. How do they show kindness?
We often give what we want to receive. Have you noticed how this person has shown kindness to others? Do they give their time, gifts, or advice? If you’ve known them for a while, you have likely observed how they give to others. Mirror that kindness back towards them. Perhaps they’ve even shown kindness to you in a way that you can extend back to them. Life ebbs and flows in such a way that the person you once received kindness from might now need the same from you.
Lastly, know that the simplest things can mean the most. Showing kindness and support in a meaningful way doesn’t have to be expensive or time-consuming. A simple text, phone call, or handwritten card can mean a lot. Of course, if you think someone in your life would be uplifted by handwritten letters from other kindness-spreaders around the world, nominate them to be a More Love Letters recipient!