On the surface, toxic positivity can appear benign. Shouldn’t we encourage moving past pain? Toxic positivity, however, is not about healing as much as it is about denial– a refusal to acknowledge experience as it actually is, in favor of a more sanitized, palatable version of reality that doesn't require sustained attention or effort to manage.

Friend, I don’t know if 2021 was a year of beautiful and hopeful things for you, or if it included pain, heartache, and grief. I do know that our pondering of the year behind us does not have to end with the overwhelmingly messy, hard, and (sometimes paradoxically) beautiful things of this world. Instead, we are invited to still ourselves—to slow down and breathe.

Sadly, your friend or loved one has just been diagnosed with cancer. You want to write to them, but you don’t have a clue what to say. That is completely normal. Perhaps you’re tempted to wait until you find the perfect card or the perfect words – and so you write nothing. Hopefully, you already believe that writing to someone is an excellent thing to do (I don’t imagine you would be reading the More Love Letters blog if you didn’t), so here are some hints and tips which will, hopefully, encourage you to put pen to paper.

In less-than-ideal seasons, it’s practically effortless to focus on the bad, on all the ways this season isn’t what we want or hope. But there are a few things my new job and season have reminded me of that are better responses to a less-than-ideal season.

Several years ago I experienced the most pain I’d ever endured in my life. The kind of pain that envelops you, holds you just under the water while you gasp for air. It wasn’t a single incident, rather a series of events over the course of several years. My world felt like it had crashed in around me, and I knew my heart would never be the same.

Even after I knew the relationship was toxic, I stayed. Crippling anxiety and self-doubt forbade me from leaving. I sought advice from friends, family, professionals, and blogs.  And out of everything I learned, there were four lessons that finally gave me the strength to walk away. 

When I was at my most broken in this last season, my roommate sat with me on the couch and silently listened as I exploded with confusion. She turned to me and said, “Paige, what is going to bring you the most freedom in this?”